God is Love

Affair de Coeur: That crazy little thing called love

By Amna Waqar

Sunday, 11 Oct, 2009 | 06:59 AM PST |


“Love requires two hearts, infatuation just one.”–Anon.


“He is just so cute! I love him!” gushes 16-year-old Sara. Who exactly is the object of her affection? Popular teen series, Gossip Girl character, Chuck Bass. He’s her latest crush and she’s totally obsessed with him; from downloading his pictures from the internet to constantly daydreaming and talking endlessly about him with her friends. Forget telling her that ‘Chuck’ isn’t real—for Sara, colours around her are brighter, birds sing more sweetly, she has butterflies in her stomach and happiness overwhelms her just thinking about her crush.


Some people may think that Sara’s lost her senses, but the reality is that her infatuation with the character is just a normal part of growing up. That magical feeling known as a crush happens instantly. Celebrity crushes in particular, over television and movie stars and band members are a part of every teen’s life.


“For me, it was love at first sight,” admits Qasim, an ‘A’ Level student, about a particular girl he knows. So far, she’s unaware of his feelings. He’s shown off his new mobile phone to her, smoked and driven his car senselessly in front of her, in order to impress her but nothing he’s done has caught her attention as yet. Qasim has placed this girl on a pedestal and believes it’s love, despite the fact she hasn’t given him a second glance. The ‘love at first sight’ syndrome is nothing but infatuation based on incredible physical attraction to the other person. Romantic movies and novels try to perpetuate the idea of love at first sight, when no such thing really exists. In Qasim’s case, he likes the girl for what she looks like but has no idea what she’s like as a person.


A strong attraction leads to infatuation. It is relatively harmless and based more on fantasy than reality. It develops superficially for a short amount of time, but then the whole, ‘I cannot live without this person’ feeling eventually fades and doesn’t come back. The madness of infatuation creates many unrealities as the person in desire is inflated into something that they aren’t, such as being extremely handsome or amazingly pretty. “When you’re infatuated with someone, there’s a tendency to solely dwell on the person’s good qualities while neglecting the negative ones present. You don’t recognise their flaws,” says psychology student Mahwish Khan. She goes on to say, “Infatuation can mean total devotion to the point of loss of one’s own identity and self.”


Thirty-year-old banker, Raza, narrates his experience of when he was infatuated with a girl in his class during his school days. “I would stare at her endlessly and send her blank calls—those were the days before the advent of Caller ID,” he chuckles. “My infatuation for her disappeared as soon as we left for different universities.”


So what exactly is the difference between infatuation and love? The two are often confused with each other.

Infatuation is not nearly as substantial as love. Love goes much deeper. Love develops slowly and grows with time and lasting relationships are those that are built on love. It involves an unconditional acceptance of other people’s feelings, thoughts and beliefs. It is tolerant and forgiving.


“When you’re in love, you know the person isn’t perfect and you know their faults. Accepting someone’s imperfections is the part of the package. It’s unconditional. You have to acknowledge everything about the person—be it good or bad,” says college student Mehreen, who recently got engaged.


Love is based on a deep understanding of the other person. It happens when you know the other person completely and share the same interests. You are in total acceptance of the other person and you let go of any pretences, fantasies and expectations that you may have had.


“I think that love is selfless,” states Atif, a marketing student. “You have respect and consideration for your partner’s emotional and spiritual needs. You want what’s best for your other half.”


Being in love seems to link the gap between infatuation and true love. It incorporates the intense and passionate feelings at the start of a relationship. The novelty of the relationship eventually wears off but this doesn’t mean that the relationship is over. You grow as independent people and the relationship becomes stronger and more profound. Loving someone and building a firm bond is an ongoing relationship.http://www.dawn.com/wps/wcm/connect/dawn-content-library/dawn/in-paper-magazine/the-review/that-crazy-little-thing-called-love